None of us was prepared for what was to come. Although I knew this news of Wanda's cancer spreading was probable, when it did happen I was completely in disbelief. It seemed like it was all of the sudden. And those first days it seemed that Wanda's death was immindent, that Dr. K did not expect her to leave the hospital. I was driving to the hospital every day trying to deal with the fact that Wanda did not have long to live. I had not spent much time with her in recent weeks and months and had not paid that much attention to what was going on with her. I was pretty consumed with my own life. All of the sudden everything changed. My life was put on hold and I went into high gear to be with Wanda. The hospital visits were draining. Somtiems to drive to The City of Hope in Duarte was an hour and a half. And Wanda was having a lot of difficulty with her pain medication and the nurses and the nurses aids. I would sit and just be with her as others would come and go. It was as if as long as I was there, she would not die.
Clint was there often. As were others, Steve, my friends Debbie and Larry, Patricia, Debbie and Kelley, David, people from the Wellness Center support group. I noticed how some people had a hard time being in the room, not sure of what to say, how to be. Some were more comfortable, others were not. A particular good friend of Wanda's was Vivian (photo). Vivian came to the hospital as often as possible even though she worked on the weekend and had two small children at home. She was a read angel, givning Wanda the tender care she needed, taking her outside in a wheelchair to enjoy the outdoors.
Sometimes when other friends came, they really seemed a bit bizzare, too cheerful, too "its okay, there's something better on the other side." And one evening after a visit from a married man she had been seeing right up until she was admitted (let's call him "Chuck"), she seemed particularly upset and aggitated. She kept saying that Chuck was a rat. I couldn't get it out of her what it was that he had done so on the way home, I called him to find out. Of course he wouldn't cop to anything and all that happened was that we got in a big fight. And for some reason this seemed to please Wanda.
After the first week passed, Wanda's death no longer seemed imminent and we began to look to the future. During this time, Clint and I were frequently on the phone with each other at all times of the day. Clint was making arrangements for Wanda to go home. Dr. K wanted to put her in an assisted living home but Wanda clearly did not want to do that. She had no income and no means to pay for home health care. She was on Medicare and we were lucky to find home hospice care but they would not take her home without someone living with her full time. Just at the time this was being discussed with various hospital personnel, Wanda's friend Kelley walked into the hospital with her friend Debbie. Wanda was saying that she couldn't possibly live in a facility and that something had to happen, and Debbie said that she would pay for the home health aids. Clearly, there are angels who live among us.
The really sad thing is that Debbie had already offered, a few weeks earlier, to pay for Wanda's mother or sister to come from Austria. But neither would come. Not only was Wanda at the end of her life, but she was completely alone. She had friends but no one to step up to the task ahead. So Clint did. Another angel. He made sure that everything was taken care of even though he lived a far distance away and had his own busy schedule. We had the necessary legal documents prepared and Clint spoke with Wanda about how she wanted to her remains to be handled, etc. She could not have had a more caring friend than Clint.
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